‘I don't understand why I act the way I do. I don't do what I know is right. I do the things I hate.’

There can’t be many of us who don’t feel like that sometimes. It could be anything, from a serious offence to the food we eat, the exercise we take or don’t take, bad-mouthing someone, not standing up for something we believe in. Oh there could be a very long list. It’s a very real and sympathetic comment, and you might be surprised to find out who first said it.

The quote is from a modern translation of St Paul’s Epistle to the Romans, Chapter 7. Paul isn’t the easiest of the Early Church writers, and can come over as grumpy and judgemental, but he is very human in this line.

Probably most of us want to be a better person: whether that means more successful, more healthy, or more kind. Perhaps we’d like to be better at our job, or a better parent, or a better son or daughter. The great thing is that even when you think you’ve gone wrong, you can usually just start again, try to do better next time.

But should you feel guilty about your mistakes? Once you start thinking about it, guilt is a very weird concept, in that it is a strong and important idea, but can simultaneously be seen as both positive, and very negative. Is it a helpful idea to aid you in doing better, or a bad thing, a burden that will fill your head and make you miserable? Not many abstract concepts are so divisive.  It’s not just a question of moderation: people feel strongly one way or the other, and there are many dismissive references to, particularly, “Catholic guilt”.

Religion and guilt are often linked together, and it’s true that churches encourage us to think about what we have done wrong, and to use that as a starting point for improvement. Dwelling on the past isn’t always a good thing, but trying to learn from your mistakes does involve some looking back. It’s getting the balance right that counts.

It might be more helpful to think in terms of ‘reflection’, a neutral phrase for looking at what we are doing. Taking time out for yourself and thinking hard can be helpful – one description of spiritual reflection is ‘silence, listening, awareness, and relationship with self and God.’ There are very useful guides and apps online, and you can hear from many people who have been helped by following these ideas.

January is a month when many of us try to improve ourselves and our lives, and there’s a joke attitude of people being sure from the start that they are doomed to failure – but that’s not necessary, we should have more faith in ourselves, as well as a kindness to ourselves.  Living up to the standards we want for ourselves shouldn’t be that difficult.

And Christians believe we have God on our side, and that that’s a comfort and help in doing what we know is right.

Moira Redmond